New Beginnings

When you feel like things aren't what you had for yourself, are you wrong to take control and make changes regardless of who else it might affect?!
That's the question I been asking myself for the past few weeks and I have finally came to a conclusion.

Orange county is that last place I thought I would find myself being at this point in my life. Its been 5 years since I graduated high school and although I wasn't the best student I wasn't going to allow myself to be a struggling black male in this world of stereotypes.

But taking my life by the throat and make big changes means leaving the people I have grown to care about and love behind. There's Erykah,the one I can't have but fell head over heels for. There's the baby mama (not my kid), who became my main squeeze for a min but I lost contact with for a few months. Got back in touch with her thinking all was lost and we could just be koo, and turns out she got over it pretty quick...weird. Main squeeze back in affect?! Doubt it... Then there's....well let's call her "the one". Messed up that good relationship that could have grown, but now because we both have changed and it wouldn't even work now. But when I look at her I still see something good... Anyway!

Sounds like nothing serious right? I know....so what am I trippin about? The fact that when I leave and take the next step in my life these people who know me better then I know myself sometimes is gonna be rough. Not having them to talk to whether its about life, love, sex, bullshit, money, and family is going to be different but good. I want to find the one I can start my life with and I can't do that with either one of these ladies. Main reason being.... I want my own kids, no one elses. I don't want people who can't see a bad situations when it slaps them in the face (literally). And I don't think I can deal with someone who can't let go of there past like me. I have enough trouble myself letting go, if you can't either we just gone end up cheating anyway! Hopefully I will take my life in the right direction and meet the one I am looking for outside of O.C. cuz I haven't had any luck out here.....
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