So dig this, I met a new lady friend and I feel like we can be closer than a lot of people in my life that I have known for a while. She a lil bit older than me and she got a family and all that good stuff already. I think that's the reason why I like her so much.... Try and follow me, see if this makes sense.

Because of the path that I am trying to take in my life, I feel that if I get involved with someone too deep they will do one of two things: Not agree with my choice and fall off anyway, or use me for career path and try to milk whateva they can outta me. Since I got my own issues with trusting people in general, females get the bad end of the stick. so meeting this lady I think is a good thing....let's pray she ain't got no crazy side that I have yet to see.

Point is, I don't need anyone that's really available. Just ready to get it when I'm ready....but will that come back and bite me in the ass down the road when I find my wife?
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

New Beginnings

When you feel like things aren't what you had for yourself, are you wrong to take control and make changes regardless of who else it might affect?!
That's the question I been asking myself for the past few weeks and I have finally came to a conclusion.

Orange county is that last place I thought I would find myself being at this point in my life. Its been 5 years since I graduated high school and although I wasn't the best student I wasn't going to allow myself to be a struggling black male in this world of stereotypes.

But taking my life by the throat and make big changes means leaving the people I have grown to care about and love behind. There's Erykah,the one I can't have but fell head over heels for. There's the baby mama (not my kid), who became my main squeeze for a min but I lost contact with for a few months. Got back in touch with her thinking all was lost and we could just be koo, and turns out she got over it pretty quick...weird. Main squeeze back in affect?! Doubt it... Then there's....well let's call her "the one". Messed up that good relationship that could have grown, but now because we both have changed and it wouldn't even work now. But when I look at her I still see something good... Anyway!

Sounds like nothing serious right? I know....so what am I trippin about? The fact that when I leave and take the next step in my life these people who know me better then I know myself sometimes is gonna be rough. Not having them to talk to whether its about life, love, sex, bullshit, money, and family is going to be different but good. I want to find the one I can start my life with and I can't do that with either one of these ladies. Main reason being.... I want my own kids, no one elses. I don't want people who can't see a bad situations when it slaps them in the face (literally). And I don't think I can deal with someone who can't let go of there past like me. I have enough trouble myself letting go, if you can't either we just gone end up cheating anyway! Hopefully I will take my life in the right direction and meet the one I am looking for outside of O.C. cuz I haven't had any luck out here.....
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Work for what...

Some things go without saying... Like the way we ALL go to work and feel the money slip out of our hands before we even deposit or cash the check. There are few people who can say they have job security that allows then to sleep good at night. The ones who do have those jobs.... I hope you have a puppy that makes that almost impossible!

I will keep this short and sweet because the last thing I want is to talk about the recession. Cuz like Jay said, "F*ck talk'n bout the recession that shits depress'n..." But I do wanna say I would rather hustle and make a little less money doing what I enjoy rather than being at work and biting my tongue and not be able to relax ever.

Is this is what life is about for people? Not even just ethnic people either!!! I see white folks out here doing worse than me... And that only makes me wonder if they just have horrible people skills or just getting out of rehab?! How can you not have any friends or friends of friends that can give you a decent spot somewhere to keep afloat? No disrespect to anyone... But unless people have shut you out because you did them wrong or you just don't know how to network, you should know someone somewhere to help you out.

But at this point getting a check and taking care of business at this point is amazing! Aight my people, don't go to work talk'n shit and blaming me....just go do your damn job and let's hope a black leader will change some things.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

It is what it is...

Starting to come to a realization when it comes to women in Orange County. There are three types (in my opinion): The ones that think they are too good for everyone, like they deserve more then the next female for whatever reason. The ones who feel they aren't good enough and have low self esteem so they sleep with everyone. I have heard this is great for self esteem cuz its makes you feel wanted....for about 5-10 minutes of good pumpin' and then you no longer exist or matter. But believe they still talk about you on a daily, you just probably don't wanna hear it. Last, but not least, the "I have been hurt before" female who can't quite seem to get over that hump into trusting even the most honest of men. So many stories run through my head....where should I start first?!

Women, please listen... Although I can't and I wont speak for all men, bein too full of yourself doesn't make you more attractive! It makes you more of a challenge definitely, but not something we would want to deal with for a long period of time. Everyone loves a confident woman who carries herself with pride and swagger. But damn, some of ya'll think you should be with a nigga that got this and that JUST because you can put on some cover up and some pumps! No matter how hood, trill, ghetto, uncle tom'ish, bitch or whatever the brotha may be, he gone want a female he can trust and build an empire with. So before you spend 5 bills on those Louis heels for the club this weekend, think about whether the guy tryna buy you a drink wants you for you or just because he will get props for it the next morning if he leaves with you.

Now, for you "I have no confidence" females... Can we fault you feeling the way you feel? No! But can we fault you for growing up in this day 'n' age and still not realizing that by sleeping with every mothafucka that shows you attention isn't going to do you any good? You damn right we can, and we are! How many women have to make the same mistake before you finally get the big picture?! You feel special now when he's calling you almost everyday acting like he is interested so he can smash some new pussy for a few weeks. Then he'll stop answering, stop calling, stop caring, and start talking to his home boys. How's your self esteem and confidence feeling now?

The ones that we all want...been hurt, have their guard up, heads on straight, make they own money and moves, and don't trust ANYONE with their hearts. I wish that these girls were ugly, but they always seem to be the keepers that some dumb ass thought he was too good for because they get big headed. Just because you guys get comfortable and the sex becomes repetitive doesn't mean she isn't worth your time or you need something new. Did you guys ever think she is comfortable with you because you are what she wants and probably never experienced this feeling before. You need to wife her and bring that spark back...and I am only saying that because when you fuck up it makes real hard for me down the road.

If you haven't noticed, this is about ME! I need someone real, but with imagination. Flirtatious but serious about me. A bad bitch, but a good girl deep down. I hope I am in the right place to find what I'm looking for, because unfortunately I am going to be here for a while.
Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Fuck you, Pay me

Have you ever been at work and you think to yourself "I should be gettin more money for all the shit I do!"? And then right after you process that thought your punk ass supervisor, who NEVER speaks to you, comes up and gives you a compliment on your work.

Oh wow! Did you figure that out on your own?! It would have taken me forever to think of that. So you wanna work late today?

The way the economy is, no one is far from lucky to have a job right now and employers know this. So what they do is hire you under the false illusion that you are going to be working your way into a position that actually uses your skills and talents while also getting a nice heavy paycheck to accompany that hard work. When really, your getting hired at the entry level position that never seems to require you to do much more then count down the hours until you can take off that business casual outfit you got from Walmart the day before ur interview and go home. There won't be any openings for you to move up (no matter how often they say there will be), there will be no reviews to see how you have been doing which means no raise. You are going to sit and get comfortable where you are and be too scared to leave because you are trying to feed your seed or just yourself.

People are being taken advantage of in todays work force, cooperate world especially. They want you to go out n buy new attire for the position but you are getting paid less than what u can make at In 'n' Out?! What kinda shit is that... In my situation I am being used to do something my boss feels can't be done by anyone else, she doesn't want to risk putting someone else in that spot who might drop the ball. So you would think I was gettin a pretty decent chunk of change since I am so indispensable right? Wrong! Once I bring up the idea of me leaving or transferring, all of a sudden I am not eligible for transfer.

Is it just me or do I seem pretty stuck right now???

I don't kiss the CEO's ass for more money or try to see who can hook me up on the inside. If that was the case I would just call up some of the boys and start hustlin' again. I am wearing this fuck'n tie for a reason, because it seems to keep you out of jail and from getting pulled over (as much)! Fuck you, pay me if you want me to take on more responsibilities, if you want me to stay late, if you want this to be my life.

But I bite my tongue and just sit back in the black because the more attention I bring to myself the harder I make it for all of US at the job. They make an example out of one....who's next?

Sent on the Sprint® Now Network from my BlackBerry®

Fresh Start

How many times have you heard of a black man complaining about the "white man" holding him down in America? How often do we automatically look at him and say "Nigga, shut up!"? Well I would like to introduce the first blog site that really gives you an inside look into the life a honest black man trying to make it in the heart if a predominantly white area known as Orange County. Blending with the people who sign your checks and vibing with the people who keep you true to your roots and your background. I am about to let you in on some of my inner most thoughts that nobody has gotten the chance to hear and keep it so real i just might hurt a mothafucka's feelings(and NO, I wont really care).

I hope you enjoy what you read and I hope people are touched. Feel my pain, my struggle, my happiness. Get inside the real reason for my anger issues and explore my love life, and my heart. I am living life in the black, the black shadow of those more successful. The black in the corner of my cooperate office job that has me counting minutes and biting my tongue to get a check that barely hold me over for the 2 weeks. Living life in the little black corner of the O.C. just to stay in my comfort zone and keep sane.